March 06 13 Out in MO2 Ice

I went out with some friends to MO2 Ice. It takes skill to keep my brains in the jeepney I was riding. I just can't seem to focus on what I am currently doing. On one hand, I am aware that I received good news that my site is up. On the other hand, I can be making excuses on the stressful experience of showing up in a birthday you aren't familiar with.

I envy my good friend for being naturally winsome. For me it's more work. I have to command my eyes, and nose and mind and face, not to shake and to look like I love what I am doing - "meeting people". Is there a magic pill to connect to people? I imagine a small boy socialized into being the center of attention and consequently growing that skill to be with people.

Is this learned introverence a curse? How much work would it need to be re-learned? I should. Because I will need it badly. What activities would cause me to be socially adept. Nevertheless, this insecurity is also what drives men to pursue great things.

I can just picture how shallow my responses are. People are to be studied. Learned. Coached. Each handshake, twitch of the eyes or face. Any movement of the nose or mouth, constitute new meaning in this dance of life.

Learning the dance requires practice of the steps. It's like the water that conforms to the surrounding landscape finding the vulnerabilities and the lower levels it can easily pass through.

One thing is clear. Those that seek to master the social grace and influence should learn to be contained in their friends and themselves. The balance calls for independence of timing, not willingly sharing all facts of their life but being flexible to adjust to the people's needs. Adjust to people not to please but to "respond".

As the writer Robert Greene once said. "Most people are like open books. They are easy to read." Today I have failed by being plain and predictable. But better to learn a lesson. I forgive and release myself for being simple minded. Tomorrow I shall strive to be "contained" and "disciplined". Seldom will oppurtunities show themselves twice. I will have my next golden chance.